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DragonStone Empire Rebuilt
2 min read
So... after idk how long... atleast 2 years... I have decided to start my Empire again on a social networking site I go on all the time. I've caused a lot of crap with people, both purposefully and non-purposefully, but reading back through things. I want to give those people another chance at knowing me, not because I'm opening up. But because I'd like to make things better than it was. Because I am better than I used to be, some may look at this and read this- thinking I'm just blowing smoke out and lying my head off, well no... Come chat with me if you know the DragonStone Empire, and see for your self... this last year and a half... has been a real eye opener for me. I'm... out of the groove of what I used to do, I veered off my path from what made me happy- I didn't and couldn't stay on a straight line, but I'm willing to give it another shot... nothing will be perfect, nor near perfect as it once was... but hey... I'm willing to try and see what can happen.
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I'm just gonna rant a small bit...
9 min read
WARNINGS- Contains Vulgar language, MATURE AUDIENCE PREFERRED! READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION!
P.S- THIS CONTAINS NO DIRECT, NON_DIRECT, DEPOSITORY, ALLEGED, OR ANY OF THE SUCH FOR THREATS, OR ANYTHING CORRELATED!
THIS IS ONLY MY PERSONAL OPINION ON THESE TOPICS! MY OPINIONS ARE NOT TO START ANY THING OR END ANYTHING, IT IS ONLY FREEDOM OF SPEECH EXERCISED WITHIN MY OPINION! WHAT HAPPENS AFTER YOU AS THE READERS READ THIS, DURING, AND BEFORE FINISHING THIS RANT, I CLAIM NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANY ACTIONS OF OTHERS FROM READING THIS (Such as revolts, spamming, hate mail, etc...etc...etc...). THIS IS ONLY AS I SAID MY PERSONAL OPINION ON THESE TOPICS, NOT TO INFRINGE UPON< DISCRIMINATE< OR OTHERWISE DEMEAN ANY SPECIFIED PARTY MEMBERS OR SPECIFIC BEINGS (People, Animals, ETC.), THIS IS IN NO WAY TO BE TAKEN AS A THREAT, OR POTENTIAL DANGEROUS. ONLY OPINIONATED DRIVEN. IF, you, AS the readers find this offensive, WHETHER OR NOT, you are included WITHIN the GENERAL REALM of these topics, PLEASE send me a note, and I WILL, Apologize DIRECTLY to YOU AS THE READERS. ONLY IF IT IS JUSTIFIED FOR WHY YOU ARE FEELING IT IS OFFENSIVE TO YOU, OR OTHERS! P.S.S- Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one.
As for DEVIANT-ART.
To you moderators, Creators, Developers. ANY who read this who ARE of power in the DA world.
IF, I have infringed upon ANY rules on the terms of conditions (which I MAY have missed... fairly sure I haven't), then PLEASE contact me ASAP, or just REMOVE my post in it's whole. Or whatever is the proper conduct to be carried out given the circumstances. Upon my reviewing of the service agreements, I didn't find, nor see anything I would be crossing as such for lines OF the service agreements (terms & conditions).
Thank you, and as I said. READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION! Hate mail, Spams, or any of the such will NOT be tolerated. It WILL be reported upon finding of it, SPECIFICALLY for THIS journal posting. And if it DOES continue to persist, FURTHER action upon MY counter part will be taken, to make sure that YOU (any who MAY do of such) will be taken care of. (of course in DEVIANT-ARTS line of consequences as THEY SEE FIT.)
~~~
You know it's kinda amazing, how we have all these actors running around, making new things day after day, working on a specific thing, that it either changes our childhood while growing up, or changes our lives forever when we are lets say 80 (assuming most people make it that old), at any rate... it's kinda ironic... you can hide behind an animated mask in lets say... SpongeBob SquarePants, and be the most fruitful person in Bikini Bottom, the most wondrous, happy, doubtless person, but when something bad happens, such as a small splinter in your finger, it hurts THE worst out of everything... now imagine us as human beings, outside of comedy.. sarcasm, laughter, everything but seriousness.... we hide behind our own characters. We have sometimes split personalities, yes, I mean... sure, doctor's and such want to say your Mental or some sort of Insane or such, but in all honesty...? It could be your conscious, telling you to do something, whether YOU follow it or not. I know I have had times, that I question what I think, and have had many things being thought and what not, I'm just... a different type of person, am I really THAT bad to be locked up? No. Can i be if I chose to? OH YEA, anyone can. But anyways... we look at each-other and judge our front masks... such as Squid-ward Tentacles, he is a very depressing figure who often sighs, and is lazy when doing his job. Each day he has sucks, but the one passion that gets him going, is Playing his clarinet. So what drives everyone else? I know it's a good writing topic for me, such as poetry, free verse emotional, whether it's within the free verse lines or not. It's FREE- VERSE,and in my mind, it's how I perceive it. There is no generalization that can be mapped for any description... because it's different for everyone, just as everyone is different. When you look at Patrick Star, you see quite frankly someone who is VERY out going, is simply amused, has add, adhd, ocd, adosd (attention deficit oh shiny disorder), and just.. a few other things that CAN be depicted, is this true about the author? No. Would this be true for each-others facial masks, that prevent our internal heart and soul from bleeding of demise? Often time, no. We put up masks to secure our self's as a whole, we are one and all. Some way, Some how. Why do we grieve when people die? We should grieve when they are born, because think about it... when they are born, they are immediately brought into such a tyranny state of mindset, for this world and all around (well.... not all... most.) Think of the turmoil and pain they will go through, and in the end, be happy, smile, laugh and carry on. Knowing they've lived their time and are NOT dealing with anymore pain. you know...? But I got another thing to go on about... WHAT is with this crap about, oh I am for this person not the other, and so on? WHO GIVES A BLOODY HELL!....... seriously? Elections people. We elect ONE person, if we had BOTH, IT WOULDN'T WORK! I read an article about a 'gal, who well, was contacted by a HIIIIIIIGH ranking power in the states, and got fired from her job. About a slur and potential threat - which was posted on Facebook, it was on the web... i mean seriously...? everyone is the same to an extent... we are all human, we hurt, we cry, we feel pain, we mourn, we eat, we drink, we have sex, we are sometimes simple minded, WE ARE HUMAN BEINGS!... who GIVES a rats ass about if someone is black, or if someone is Mexican or anything, I mean seriously? Sure, they may be talking a different language, but let me tell you something. ACTIONS are the same as they are, anywhere else just imposed upon differently. You may not think that this person knows what you did, but inside their mind they may be thinking "What an asshole...", and why? Because people CAN"T separate factors in today's society... Sure, we may have a Black President... so? He's going to run this country how he see's fit, yea, a lot of you MAY NOT like how I view this, but Romney was full of SHIT. HE was recorded on LIVE television broad casts, for his "Agenda" or "Plan" for the country, then he went BACK and went AGAINST IT!!!!!...... Now for Obama, HE has went with EVERYTHING he has said, he's IMPROVING the general realm of things... sure, the debt MAY go higher, WE CAN KNOCK IT DOWN IF WE WORK TOGETHER... and as for all you "Upper Class Families"... MOST (not all.. surly not all) of you, are just rich, sick and twisted SNOBS!.... You think MONEY can buy eternal happiness and LOVE, love, care, affection, and TRUST can't be bought with MONEY. Money is a commodity, IT IS VIRTUALLY WORTHLESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!... But seriously? IF, the upper class WANTS to help out, they'd DONATE AND HELP OTHERS. Instead of stay in their suite's, or mansions' or WHATEVER they are at, sitting there, all "high and mighty" doing NOTHING to help the economy, or ANYTHING, and watching it plummet, KNOWING they won't have a hard time surviving, because why? MONEY SUPPOSEDLY BUYS THE WORLD! Everyone is playing into this sick and twisted MIND TRIP!... yea, money is nice.. I will admit it... however, I've used MY money, to help my family, and my friends... WHO DON"T HAVE IT. As for everyone else who HAS more money than me? (besides my friends) I don't see almost ANYONE doing anything, from the kindness of their heart. They are all stuck up, selfish, greedy, and think the world revolves around THEM... here's an example. A person driving, lets say.. a dodge Durango, crashes into a.. lets say, LEXUS.................. WHAT THE HELL does the person in the LEXUS say??? "DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I PAYED FOR THIS CAR!?!" I feel PERSONALLY, like responding "Bitch! I don't CARE how much YOU spent on it, YOU could of helped out many people, instead of getting top notch SHIT just to complain to those who ruin YOUR shit. Do you know how much HELL it was to get MY car???? LIVE A WEEK IN MY SHOES YOU"LL UNDERSTAND!"... then exchanging information, waiting for cops, and getting it settled and squared away. But see, we CAN"T talk to rich people like that (typically) because they'll just "buy another" and THROW AWAY perfectly good things. LIKE IT"S TRASH!........ Think of this. you get a 5,000$ Desktop computer. Next 6 months, you throw it away and get a 11,000$ GAMING computer. When you COULD have just spent another 3,000$ for the ORIGINAL desktop to MAKE it that beastly of a rig, but noooooooooooooooooooooo MOST rich people just THROW IT AWAY LIKE IT"S NOTHING, IT"S OLD AND TRASH!..... and all of us LOWER class families, are looking up going "really..? are you KIDDING?... do YOU know how LONG it would take to get that? FOR US?!!?! and you just THROW it away?!?!! IT STILL WORKS!"............ at any rate, I'm going on a rant. This is ONLY my personal feelings of all of this... this is IN NO WAY (Disclaimer)- DIRECTED IN ANY THREATS, VIOLENCE, PREROGATIVE FOR VIOLENCE, OR ANYTHING IN A NEGATIVE SENSE! THIS IS ONLY MY PERSONAL OPINION FOR THESE TOPICS! I BRING NO UN_JUST CAUSE OF CATASTROPHIC RESULTS OR ANYTHING OF THE SUCH! I JUST WANTED TO RANT!..... Thank you all, for who have read this. And if this REALLY offends you, PLEASE just DON"T read it, there's NO reason to hate on it, and think your all that, JUST because you can report it or something. HENCE- why I have put warnings at the BEGINNING of this. So haters CAN"T hate effectively.
~ElegantDragonMaster~
P.S- THIS CONTAINS NO DIRECT, NON_DIRECT, DEPOSITORY, ALLEGED, OR ANY OF THE SUCH FOR THREATS, OR ANYTHING CORRELATED!
THIS IS ONLY MY PERSONAL OPINION ON THESE TOPICS! MY OPINIONS ARE NOT TO START ANY THING OR END ANYTHING, IT IS ONLY FREEDOM OF SPEECH EXERCISED WITHIN MY OPINION! WHAT HAPPENS AFTER YOU AS THE READERS READ THIS, DURING, AND BEFORE FINISHING THIS RANT, I CLAIM NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANY ACTIONS OF OTHERS FROM READING THIS (Such as revolts, spamming, hate mail, etc...etc...etc...). THIS IS ONLY AS I SAID MY PERSONAL OPINION ON THESE TOPICS, NOT TO INFRINGE UPON< DISCRIMINATE< OR OTHERWISE DEMEAN ANY SPECIFIED PARTY MEMBERS OR SPECIFIC BEINGS (People, Animals, ETC.), THIS IS IN NO WAY TO BE TAKEN AS A THREAT, OR POTENTIAL DANGEROUS. ONLY OPINIONATED DRIVEN. IF, you, AS the readers find this offensive, WHETHER OR NOT, you are included WITHIN the GENERAL REALM of these topics, PLEASE send me a note, and I WILL, Apologize DIRECTLY to YOU AS THE READERS. ONLY IF IT IS JUSTIFIED FOR WHY YOU ARE FEELING IT IS OFFENSIVE TO YOU, OR OTHERS! P.S.S- Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one.
As for DEVIANT-ART.
To you moderators, Creators, Developers. ANY who read this who ARE of power in the DA world.
IF, I have infringed upon ANY rules on the terms of conditions (which I MAY have missed... fairly sure I haven't), then PLEASE contact me ASAP, or just REMOVE my post in it's whole. Or whatever is the proper conduct to be carried out given the circumstances. Upon my reviewing of the service agreements, I didn't find, nor see anything I would be crossing as such for lines OF the service agreements (terms & conditions).
Thank you, and as I said. READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION! Hate mail, Spams, or any of the such will NOT be tolerated. It WILL be reported upon finding of it, SPECIFICALLY for THIS journal posting. And if it DOES continue to persist, FURTHER action upon MY counter part will be taken, to make sure that YOU (any who MAY do of such) will be taken care of. (of course in DEVIANT-ARTS line of consequences as THEY SEE FIT.)
~~~
You know it's kinda amazing, how we have all these actors running around, making new things day after day, working on a specific thing, that it either changes our childhood while growing up, or changes our lives forever when we are lets say 80 (assuming most people make it that old), at any rate... it's kinda ironic... you can hide behind an animated mask in lets say... SpongeBob SquarePants, and be the most fruitful person in Bikini Bottom, the most wondrous, happy, doubtless person, but when something bad happens, such as a small splinter in your finger, it hurts THE worst out of everything... now imagine us as human beings, outside of comedy.. sarcasm, laughter, everything but seriousness.... we hide behind our own characters. We have sometimes split personalities, yes, I mean... sure, doctor's and such want to say your Mental or some sort of Insane or such, but in all honesty...? It could be your conscious, telling you to do something, whether YOU follow it or not. I know I have had times, that I question what I think, and have had many things being thought and what not, I'm just... a different type of person, am I really THAT bad to be locked up? No. Can i be if I chose to? OH YEA, anyone can. But anyways... we look at each-other and judge our front masks... such as Squid-ward Tentacles, he is a very depressing figure who often sighs, and is lazy when doing his job. Each day he has sucks, but the one passion that gets him going, is Playing his clarinet. So what drives everyone else? I know it's a good writing topic for me, such as poetry, free verse emotional, whether it's within the free verse lines or not. It's FREE- VERSE,and in my mind, it's how I perceive it. There is no generalization that can be mapped for any description... because it's different for everyone, just as everyone is different. When you look at Patrick Star, you see quite frankly someone who is VERY out going, is simply amused, has add, adhd, ocd, adosd (attention deficit oh shiny disorder), and just.. a few other things that CAN be depicted, is this true about the author? No. Would this be true for each-others facial masks, that prevent our internal heart and soul from bleeding of demise? Often time, no. We put up masks to secure our self's as a whole, we are one and all. Some way, Some how. Why do we grieve when people die? We should grieve when they are born, because think about it... when they are born, they are immediately brought into such a tyranny state of mindset, for this world and all around (well.... not all... most.) Think of the turmoil and pain they will go through, and in the end, be happy, smile, laugh and carry on. Knowing they've lived their time and are NOT dealing with anymore pain. you know...? But I got another thing to go on about... WHAT is with this crap about, oh I am for this person not the other, and so on? WHO GIVES A BLOODY HELL!....... seriously? Elections people. We elect ONE person, if we had BOTH, IT WOULDN'T WORK! I read an article about a 'gal, who well, was contacted by a HIIIIIIIGH ranking power in the states, and got fired from her job. About a slur and potential threat - which was posted on Facebook, it was on the web... i mean seriously...? everyone is the same to an extent... we are all human, we hurt, we cry, we feel pain, we mourn, we eat, we drink, we have sex, we are sometimes simple minded, WE ARE HUMAN BEINGS!... who GIVES a rats ass about if someone is black, or if someone is Mexican or anything, I mean seriously? Sure, they may be talking a different language, but let me tell you something. ACTIONS are the same as they are, anywhere else just imposed upon differently. You may not think that this person knows what you did, but inside their mind they may be thinking "What an asshole...", and why? Because people CAN"T separate factors in today's society... Sure, we may have a Black President... so? He's going to run this country how he see's fit, yea, a lot of you MAY NOT like how I view this, but Romney was full of SHIT. HE was recorded on LIVE television broad casts, for his "Agenda" or "Plan" for the country, then he went BACK and went AGAINST IT!!!!!...... Now for Obama, HE has went with EVERYTHING he has said, he's IMPROVING the general realm of things... sure, the debt MAY go higher, WE CAN KNOCK IT DOWN IF WE WORK TOGETHER... and as for all you "Upper Class Families"... MOST (not all.. surly not all) of you, are just rich, sick and twisted SNOBS!.... You think MONEY can buy eternal happiness and LOVE, love, care, affection, and TRUST can't be bought with MONEY. Money is a commodity, IT IS VIRTUALLY WORTHLESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!... But seriously? IF, the upper class WANTS to help out, they'd DONATE AND HELP OTHERS. Instead of stay in their suite's, or mansions' or WHATEVER they are at, sitting there, all "high and mighty" doing NOTHING to help the economy, or ANYTHING, and watching it plummet, KNOWING they won't have a hard time surviving, because why? MONEY SUPPOSEDLY BUYS THE WORLD! Everyone is playing into this sick and twisted MIND TRIP!... yea, money is nice.. I will admit it... however, I've used MY money, to help my family, and my friends... WHO DON"T HAVE IT. As for everyone else who HAS more money than me? (besides my friends) I don't see almost ANYONE doing anything, from the kindness of their heart. They are all stuck up, selfish, greedy, and think the world revolves around THEM... here's an example. A person driving, lets say.. a dodge Durango, crashes into a.. lets say, LEXUS.................. WHAT THE HELL does the person in the LEXUS say??? "DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I PAYED FOR THIS CAR!?!" I feel PERSONALLY, like responding "Bitch! I don't CARE how much YOU spent on it, YOU could of helped out many people, instead of getting top notch SHIT just to complain to those who ruin YOUR shit. Do you know how much HELL it was to get MY car???? LIVE A WEEK IN MY SHOES YOU"LL UNDERSTAND!"... then exchanging information, waiting for cops, and getting it settled and squared away. But see, we CAN"T talk to rich people like that (typically) because they'll just "buy another" and THROW AWAY perfectly good things. LIKE IT"S TRASH!........ Think of this. you get a 5,000$ Desktop computer. Next 6 months, you throw it away and get a 11,000$ GAMING computer. When you COULD have just spent another 3,000$ for the ORIGINAL desktop to MAKE it that beastly of a rig, but noooooooooooooooooooooo MOST rich people just THROW IT AWAY LIKE IT"S NOTHING, IT"S OLD AND TRASH!..... and all of us LOWER class families, are looking up going "really..? are you KIDDING?... do YOU know how LONG it would take to get that? FOR US?!!?! and you just THROW it away?!?!! IT STILL WORKS!"............ at any rate, I'm going on a rant. This is ONLY my personal feelings of all of this... this is IN NO WAY (Disclaimer)- DIRECTED IN ANY THREATS, VIOLENCE, PREROGATIVE FOR VIOLENCE, OR ANYTHING IN A NEGATIVE SENSE! THIS IS ONLY MY PERSONAL OPINION FOR THESE TOPICS! I BRING NO UN_JUST CAUSE OF CATASTROPHIC RESULTS OR ANYTHING OF THE SUCH! I JUST WANTED TO RANT!..... Thank you all, for who have read this. And if this REALLY offends you, PLEASE just DON"T read it, there's NO reason to hate on it, and think your all that, JUST because you can report it or something. HENCE- why I have put warnings at the BEGINNING of this. So haters CAN"T hate effectively.
~ElegantDragonMaster~
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Touchy topic for some, read or carry on.
4 min read
So... this is a touchy topic for some, especially for those who are bullied, pushed around, beaten, called a disgrace, and SO many other things... I... have yet to actually know if some of these stories are true, about others around my age (teenagers) killing them self's over it (from the stories i have heard)... i have no reason to say they are false, nor a reason to say they are true... but this is just... something I'm going to go on about a bit... it really sucks when someone goes and thinks suicide is something to be done... it's ... 2 different things.. 1) Your strong enough to let go, and carry on in the after life... 2) Your a weak minded person who's looking for a easy way out.
Now... I'm not on either side of it, I personally think 1) is better than 2), but that's... personal opinion... I don't know how many people will see this, who will care, or what's going on.. but at least I'm being kind + considerate to type my emotions out, without regret, without wanting to hide them (As much as before...) I've been bullied several times, through when I started school, all the way until I graduated... now I'm onto work now, in this... giant but yet small world... my life hasn't been filled with peaches and cream, like some would think... my life is hard, but not as hard as others... Bullying, yea... it gets to you after quite some time... but in the end, you can get through it.
The reason I say you can get through it, is because everyone has a fight or flight mode within them self's, of whether they are going to fight back, and knock that person out, or flight and get away from the situation... sadly it is taken to extremities for both portions, I still have yet personally decided which side to take, what would be best, or even if I should do anything about it... Being graduated now, I'm not necessarily picked on/bullied anymore, however their are still those people who's followed me around, know what I look like, etc...etc... that I do watch my back over, in my year.. I'm only going on 19 now... my age group, especially around 16 shouldn't have to be cautious.
Cautious of watching their back with bully's, or any of the sort... what ever happened to society and it took it's turn for the worse...? I remember NOT having internet (when growing up), I did have a computer, but it was just games on it, nothing else. I remember only the original Pokemon series, I remember NOT being on a phone, or any electronic device like three quarters of the day, I remember specifically riding my bike, going on walks, going to my friends house to play hide + seek and such... now being graduated, my child hood changed a LOT, however this isn't about me... this is going to EVERYONE who reads this.. or who will pass it on.
For my experiences... just continue on... one day, one time things will begin to look up, it... just takes time....sometimes a LOT of time before anything improves... but guarantee you, one way or another, things will look up and you'll start thinking to your self, at least ONE time saying "wow.. this, this, and this happened... I'm doing good" and have at least a small smile, instead of the past memories, pain, and heart breaking moments of the future... i know i still have to practice what i preach, but I'm better at preaching, instead of practicing haha, so yea, i honestly don't know who will read this, if any... but if ANYONE needs someone to talk to, don't be afraid to talk to someone new, whether it be me, a friends friend, or whatever the case may be.
~ElegantDragonMaster
P.S. I'm open to questions, comments, AND concerns if anyone has any of them.
Now... I'm not on either side of it, I personally think 1) is better than 2), but that's... personal opinion... I don't know how many people will see this, who will care, or what's going on.. but at least I'm being kind + considerate to type my emotions out, without regret, without wanting to hide them (As much as before...) I've been bullied several times, through when I started school, all the way until I graduated... now I'm onto work now, in this... giant but yet small world... my life hasn't been filled with peaches and cream, like some would think... my life is hard, but not as hard as others... Bullying, yea... it gets to you after quite some time... but in the end, you can get through it.
The reason I say you can get through it, is because everyone has a fight or flight mode within them self's, of whether they are going to fight back, and knock that person out, or flight and get away from the situation... sadly it is taken to extremities for both portions, I still have yet personally decided which side to take, what would be best, or even if I should do anything about it... Being graduated now, I'm not necessarily picked on/bullied anymore, however their are still those people who's followed me around, know what I look like, etc...etc... that I do watch my back over, in my year.. I'm only going on 19 now... my age group, especially around 16 shouldn't have to be cautious.
Cautious of watching their back with bully's, or any of the sort... what ever happened to society and it took it's turn for the worse...? I remember NOT having internet (when growing up), I did have a computer, but it was just games on it, nothing else. I remember only the original Pokemon series, I remember NOT being on a phone, or any electronic device like three quarters of the day, I remember specifically riding my bike, going on walks, going to my friends house to play hide + seek and such... now being graduated, my child hood changed a LOT, however this isn't about me... this is going to EVERYONE who reads this.. or who will pass it on.
For my experiences... just continue on... one day, one time things will begin to look up, it... just takes time....sometimes a LOT of time before anything improves... but guarantee you, one way or another, things will look up and you'll start thinking to your self, at least ONE time saying "wow.. this, this, and this happened... I'm doing good" and have at least a small smile, instead of the past memories, pain, and heart breaking moments of the future... i know i still have to practice what i preach, but I'm better at preaching, instead of practicing haha, so yea, i honestly don't know who will read this, if any... but if ANYONE needs someone to talk to, don't be afraid to talk to someone new, whether it be me, a friends friend, or whatever the case may be.
~ElegantDragonMaster
P.S. I'm open to questions, comments, AND concerns if anyone has any of them.
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~sigh~ Just started writing for this...
2 min read
straightening my hair... ~gets up and goes to the bathroom, immediately closing the door and sighing as I stay silent otherwise, beginning to straighten my hair looking into the mirror, a few tears welling up as i stare at my self, only the thoughts of how horrible i look even in public race in, while the thoughts are racing I hear a knock on the door, dad wants to use the restroom, I wipe my eyes tell him hand on a second and straighten one last strand, placing everything so its safe as I then walk out avoiding eye contact, as he's leaving I slip back in and close the door once more, not wanting anyone to see me at this time while I continue straightening it, thinking it looks better as i get bashed and smashed from others, hearing lie after lie in my head both from the past and present, those who i thought would be true and caring of my feelings, now erased and blocked, removed and banished, questioning the past of if it's the same, has my deduction skills been falling? Have I begun to believe, what isn't true thanks to the past...? Have I become a monster in my own mind, a little creeping monster that is relentless on its own soul, looking for a way to make my self live in hell, continuing to straighten my hair I just remain silent besides my thoughts racing, each thought making my eyes well up a bit more, until a constant stream of tears taint my skin, falling and falling into the sink getting washed away when I'm done, just like my emotions when I'm getting played with and have become just a boring doll, finishing up my hair I wonder what new comments are gonna come my way, what next sadistic thing will surface from the abyss to drag me under, wanting to end it all, give up, let loose, just quit without a restart and see where everyone goes, where everything turns out when I'm gone, hopefully better for others as I wouldn't be a burden anymore, but should I do that, I wouldn't know what's true and what's false anymore, whether others words are true, or their actions. Suppose that's one reason I carry on eh?~
~ElegantDragonMaster~
~ElegantDragonMaster~
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Absence noted
2 min read
I speak my emotions, I say my feelings, I try to open new doors but all they seem to do is lock, shatter and close... I try new endings I try to be the saviour, I try to be who I once was, but in the end I am still so distant, still so confused, in the end I am still so broken... I bid this night farewell, in absence I lay, but to be wanted again, will always be the thrill... Those who are around, my bf, my ex(s) who are still on my list, my family, my cared ones, friends and all... I bid farewell... and to adieu I say to especially my bf... I love you, I'm sorry we haven't talked much... and.. well... only way you'll be able to reach me, for a bit... is my skype or text... I'm sorry this is come about, I know this is full of drought, but to be around is being hurt, as being hurt, is being shriveled up inside.. lost and lonely with nowhere to hide, nowhere to flee, nowhere to express, nowhere to breath... and in my return, I will hope improvement has been made... for if it hasn't... I don't guarantee many being on my list again... this is not a note to take lightly, as it could be a final farewell, but to be a final it must be bad... and bad it is, it must be worse, and even as the cold wind blows... so does my heart and soul, so filled with those who care, so betrayed by those who don't... I say this in time that will hopefully change others thinking... hopefully strengthen the bonds that I see, and further the life in all... however for me... This night has turned a dark and twisted road on me... talking to the last chat tonight... I said goodnight just then... and disappeared... I've hurt more than done good... I should of left when I knew it was time.. but yet I still stretch my boundaries, trying to repair what hasn't been broken yet... but to be broken, is to be never fixed... and broken I shall be, until I come back again.
~ElegantDragonMaster~
~ElegantDragonMaster~
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